Official Definitions page

Official Definitions page

Antique:
Someone else's old junk.

Antiquing:
The process of aimlessly wandering from store to store hoping for a good deal on some "Antiques". There are none. Any antique was someone else's problem, or they wouldn't be getting rid of it.

Bank :
A Bank is a place where the denizens there (who are distantly related to Creditors) Take your money (while you pretend that they are holding it safe for you), and throw it into a big pile. After they roll in it for a while, throwing it up in the air, they may give some of it back to you.

Creditor :
An amorphous creature, which is a cross between a leech, a Cockroach, and a Vampire. It sucks the life out of your bank account! Fear this Beastie!

Government :
This is a completely mythical place, similar to the Greek "Hades". It does not really exist in our world. People who go there have leave their souls behind, or they can't get in. Once there, they never fully come back. They need to suck your money away to live, but may leave some large and meaningless token behind, in appreciation (such as a useless "Minor League Ballpark", where Crack Dealers can meet customers in off hours).

Job :
This is often a joyless, juiceless, period of torture, which must be entered into every day in order to get Money. Sometimes, if one is very lucky, one can get a Job, where the torture can be considered fun by certain sick and twisted individuals. I consider my job fun, sometimes, in my less lucid moments.

Junk:
What you sell as an antique, (if you price it three times it's most optimistic value and sell it to some Summer People).

Manager :
A "Manager" is the person you directly work for. Their overall purpose is to improve efficiency and output. Since they generally have no power to hire or compensate you themselves, but can fire you, or dock your pay at will, they generally are used to maintain an additional level of punishment. Akin to Jailors, and Torturers, they have many effective ways to grind you down, like the "Yearly Review", the "Interminable Meeting", or the "Unrealistic Timetable".

MicroManagement:
Micromanagement is a tool that certain Managers use to achieve maximum miserability in the shortest time. This is achieved by the process of never leaving you alone long enough to do anything, then bugging you with questions why you are not accomplishing anything.

MONEY :
"Money" is a mythical substance, seemingly comprised of paper leaves, that seems to spontaneously evaporate while we pretend to store it somewhere.
Mine is put into a pretend place called we grownups call a "Bank" without my ever seeing it! then It goes away to lots of nasty people called "Creditors". Sometimes the "Government" wants some too! When they are done, there is never enough for me to play with any!

Summer People:
The yearly migration of Clueless Tourists who flock to the New England Coast, so they can feel like they are "Getting away from it all", but don't want to drive more than a few hours from their homes. They flock to the State Beaches and go "Antiquing". Their only truly redeeming feature is that they are willing to pay for hotels and meals at up to three times what it would cost in the winter. They are the reason why so many businesses along the shoreline don't even have to open their doors 7 months of the year!

Swamp Yankee:
A Swamp Yankee is, roughly speaking (and I do mean "roughly"), the New England Equivalent to a "Hillbilly", except that (since, around here, the hills are desirable property -- "breath-taking views" is what the Realty ads call it. Which is translated into English as: "Well, the Basement won't flood, but you'll have to replace 15 to 20 roof tiles a year, no wind break up there..."), they went into the low areas to find privacy (getting away from the "Summer People"). Since it is harder to build roads and make improvements in a swampy area, than in the higher areas, Swamp Yankees had things like "Electricity" and "Telephones" comparatively late. Hence a local reputation for being isolated and backward. Yeah, You'd think so, wouldn't you. Living where they do, they have to be pretty crafty to make it, alongside their more well off neighbors!! They often operate Antique Stores.