On my way to school one day talking with my friends we passed by the Muffin Man's
Shoppe. He signaled me to come in, which I did. It was a decision I barely lived to regret.
When I entered, the smell of ginger was overpowering. WARNING: that's how the assault
starts. I became dizzy, nauseated and felt weak. I slumped into a nearby chair and then I
heard the Muffin Man say, "She's yours GBM sir." I wasn't sure what "GBM" meant, but
I was fairly sure that the "G" stood for ginger. Then I remembered the rumor that the
Muffin Man was making psychotic gingerbread men!! About the time that I felt a dry,
rough sensation on my leg. I knew that I was being attacked by one mean monster. He was
crawling up under my dress, about to do unspeakable things, which gave me the strength to
reach inside my purse and pull out my Mace sprayer. I sprayed him in the face and he
seemed to enjoy it! I forgot that it had 10% pepper added. I think that he thought that I
was spicing him up a bit to make him more appealing. Well, it did divert him enough for
me to reach in to get my lighter. He must have thought that cigarettes were soon to follow,
but he was wrong. I lit the table cloth on a nearby table. Anything to get him off of me.
Unfortunately, there were some unbaked gingerbread men on the table top. Abortionist! he
screamed as he lunged for my throat. He was biting into my neck, hard enough to make
some of his teeth crumble out, but I was bleeding badly. Fortunately, gingerbread men are
really flamable. These ignited like they were full of gasoline, setting off the sprinklers
overhead and setting off the fire alarm. The Gingerbread Man quickly became mushy and I
was able to pull him off. The smell of ginger must have been washed out of the air a bit
and the water brought me back to my senses enough that I could bolt !
out the door. I dodged the firemen and police, because I was somewhat embarased. And
besides, after they heard my story about the psychotic and perverted gingerbread man, they
would want me to go to the rape crisis center. I've been there several times before, and
boy, do they get personal! Anyway, I wonder how many girls have been lost in that hell
hole that mis-labled The Muffin Man Shoppe. BEWARE OF THE SMELL OF
GINGER!! And I don't mean like the actress on Gilligan's Island.
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