Well, as I stated on the survey, it was a stormy day. It was a blinding snowstorm, in fact, a
great Blizzard that even Antarctica would have found to be very harsh indeed. Stopping by
a local cafe for warmth, I ordered a hot almond latte with cinnamon sprinkles and, just
before I was about to pay, those dreaded GBMs caught my eye. There was one in
particular--with a candy Barney face on it that took my fancy. Perhaps it was the bright
purple coloring. Perhaps it was the blinding white of the teeth. Perhaps it was because I
hate that darned dinosaur so much I couldn't resist the temptation to bite its head off, even
if it wasn't really the real Barney. So I bought the damn thing, and boy, did I regret it.
Because it was really a devious plan not only to kill me, but to break my teeth into several
small pieces so all the orderlies at the local morgue would laugh at my horrid dead corpse.
For you see, once I gnawed my way through the diamond-like hardness of the candy, one
small piece of the purple became lodged in my throat, causing me to begin choking. If it
wasn't for the kindly coffee bean grinder who had taken a first aid course and gave me the
Heimlich manouever, I might have died that day. I've never been able to look at GBM or
Barney, for that matter, in the same way. I am currently planning a lawsuit against the
Barney people because if the damn thing weren't so utterly obnoxious, I would never have
succombed to the urge to buy that GBM. I shall let you know the results.
Back